


Babies

by hashtaghartwin



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Babies, Bad Parenting, Explosions, Fluff and Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3846652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hashtaghartwin/pseuds/hashtaghartwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Each month, Kingsman agents are required to complete a random challenge. Last month it was stealth and thievery. This month's challenge involves working in pairs to take care of a fake baby that requires attention just like a real one. If it starts crying, you have exactly three minutes to stop it. Otherwise it explodes. Harry n' Eggsy V.S. Roxy n' Merlin. Who will be victorious??<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Alright then, your turn to pick this month’s challenge, Lancelot,” Merlin said, holding out a top hat with slips of paper inside. She took a step forward and plunged her hand into the hat, rifling through for a moment. The sound of ruffling paper was the only thing that broke the tense silence.

“Today, Lancelot, if you will,” Harry grumbled.

“Alright, sorry,” she replied, withdrawing a folded piece of paper. She bit her lip, unfolding it and reading out its contents. “Challenge B4BI35.”

Merlin entered the code into the computer. A long passage of text appeared a moment later.

The four of them- Eggsy, Harry, Roxy, and Merlin- read it silently.

 

_Challenge B4BI35- Operation Babies:_

_Team challenge: PAIRS_

_Duration: DEPENDENT_

_Skill set: TEAMWORK_

_Instructions: Agents will be divided into teams of two (2). Each team will receive one (1) baby and one (1) parenting kit, which includes the following items:_

_-one (1) bottle_

_-clothing_

_-diapers_

_-three (3) toys_

_-ten (10) jars of baby food_

_-one (1) baby pram_

_Agents are to act as ‘parents’ to the baby, and will decide among themselves how to take care of said baby. Agents are to use proper parenting etiquette. The goal of this challenge is to outlast the other teams until only one team is left remaining. Said team wins the challenge._

_BABY:_

_The baby requires attention and care, just as any human baby. The babies are designed in a specific setting. They react to attention and care, and similarly, to mistreatment and neglect. If the baby is not cared for properly, it will trigger a switch and cause the baby to begin crying. ‘Parents’ are required to figure out what is causing the baby to cry and quickly fix the problem. A microchip in the baby’s forehead will record the number of times this occurs, as well as the amount of time the crying ensues. The faster the problem is fixed, the better. In the event that the baby cries for more than exactly three minutes, the baby will explode, therefore eliminating the baby-less team. As mentioned before, the last team standing wins the challenge._

“I can’t pick again, can I?” Roxy asked weakly.

“Sorry, Lancelot, no,” Merlin responded, forehead creased.

“Well, then, let’s choose teams, shall we?” Eggsy asked cheerfully, rubbing his hands together in delight.

“Erm, I actually have a rather large stack of paperwork in my office that-” Harry began.

“No can do, Arthur,” Roxy cut him off. “You know the rules.”

Harry muttered something underneath his breath.

“Alright, Lancelot, pick a name,” Merlin continued, holding out three cards, each with a name on the back. She thought for a moment, fingers levitating over the cards, before picking the middle one.

“Merlin,” she read out, grinning a bit.

“So guess that means Harry’s with me, yeah?” Eggsy asked gleefully. Even Harry cracked a smile. “No offense, but we’re going to cream you guys.”

“We’ll see about that,” Merlin answered, determination evident in his voice.

“We certainly will,” Harry shot back.

“Well then, let’s get started, shall we?” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1.

 

* * *

 

**_DAY 1:_ **

 

* * *

  

“This is ridiculous,” Harry muttered. “Simply ridiculous.” He stared at the life-like baby being held up to his face by an equally ridiculously happy looking Eggsy. It had a curl of light brown hair and big blue eyes. Harry noted that it looked suspiciously like Eggsy, though he wasn’t sure how that was possible.

“Don’t be daft, Harry,” Eggsy scolded. “It’ll just be like taking care of Daisy, right? My little sis.”

“Of course,” he replied sarcastically.

“Don’t be such a spoilsport, Harry. It’ll be fun taking care of the baby.”

“I’m rubbish with children.”

“That’s too bad, innit?” Eggsy sighed, adjusting the baby’s position in his arms. “I think you’d make a great father, really.” Eggsy smirked when the tips of Harry’s ears turned a bright cherry red.

“Erm,” Harry choked.

  

* * *

  

Roxy awoke to the sound of wailing. Dazedly, she tried to figure out what and where the awful sound was coming from before it hit her. Panicking, she sprung out of bed and rushed over to where the life-sized baby lay in the baby crib. She picked it up, cradling it in her arms for a moment. The wailing did not cease.

“Goddamnit,” she hissed. “Stop crying!”

“Lancelot?” a muffled voice called sleepily.

“Merlin!” she cried. “Merlin, it won’t bloody stop wailing.”

There was a bang followed by hurried footsteps. Merlin appeared in her bedroom, rubbing a welt on his forehead. He scowled, rushing over to her and lifting the baby into his arms.

He patted its back, bouncing it lightly. The crying quieted slightly.

“Shhh…” he hushed it gently, pressing its body to his chest. The crying stopped. Roxy sighed in relief, smiling. Merlin placed the baby back into the crib before glaring at her. She stopped smiling, biting her lip. But then the ridiculousness of the situation hit her again and she began giggling. A few moments later, Merlin was evidently fighting the urge to grin as well. He shook his head, turning around.

“Good night, Lancelot,” he muttered over his shoulder before heading back to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and tell me what you think!!! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. ^_^

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a Home Ec assignment where students had to take care of a baby for three days. HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!!! This is on fan fiction as well. LET'S GO HARWTIN AND ROXLIN!!!


End file.
